In limbo...

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Looking at a certain friend's fotopage, in which there are pictures of my former collegemates happily living their lives together, cheerily spending time with each other, just reminds me of the fact that I'm currently stuck in a friendship limbo: I don't belong in any group of friends.

I can't seem to belong in a group that consists of my former collegemates, for the simple fact that we've spent too much time being apart that I sometimes feel like being with strangers when I'm with them. I no longer can understand the jokes that they say, nor am I able to participate much in discussions that they bring up. I consequently feel like a stone. Like a statue. Sitting there, listening, but doing nothing.

But am I closer to friends that I spend more time together? Well, that might be true, IF I do have many friends at Uniten. Well, I may say that I have many acquaintances at Uniten, but friends? Only certain few people at Uniten I call as friends. And their total doesn't even reach double digits.

At Uniten, even though I spend more time with people here, I have a slight personality problem. I was brought up in an environment that consists of people who have a very strong feeling of togetherness for people within the same batch (i.e. of the same age). As a result, it's a bit hard for me to befriend people who are younger than me. Yep, you might think, "What kind of a stuck-up person are you? So snobbish and condescending, not wanting to be friends with people younger than you. Ingat ko gempak abis ke?".

I agree, it is pathetic to be like this, but it is the truth. I really have a personality problem in which I can't seem to gel quite nicely with people younger than me. And it gets worse when I'm in my current situation, in which I'm behind my peers in terms of study by 1 year. Especially for somebody who's like me, so quiet and all.

Somehow, I feel that if I were able to go to the UK, I won't be having this problem. I feel that by being in the UK, I surely can gain the necessary communication skills I need. But well, what's past is past. Gotta make do with what I have. And what I have is no friends at all...

This has got to change. It may be too late to reverse this situation here at Uniten, but I'm making it a point to stop being like this and start making friends, no matter what their ages are. I have to remember that later this year, insyaAllah, I'll be joining a PEP which will definitely consist of people younger than me: 2 years and 1 year younger for people that will come from Uniten, and 1 year younger for people who will come from overseas universities. Possibly the only people who'll be my age then will be yours truly and Fina, my former collegemate who's currently finishing her MEng (Masters degree) in UK.

Gotta change my mindset ASAP.

And well, while I'm at it, do you guys wanna be friends with me? Please do! I'm up for grabs! :D


Posted by Nikman Shah at 11:05 pm
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